You are correct that we cannot have it both ways. That is kind of what Branca's point was. the very things people say make Trump so objectionable (specifically his ego) are the very same traits that gave him any prayer of winning on 2016.

On the flip side, there are ways to have backbone without being unnecessarily confrontational. I am not saying that Trump was unnecessarily confrontational. The media twisted everything he ever said or did to gaslight the public into thinking he was evil. In stark contrast to how they cover anybody on the Left. I also recognize that the media will inevitably be similarly aggressive to whomever the next non-Trump GOP candidate is (in '24 or '28).

My point is that I don't think displaying a spine necessarily translates into being a jerk. While I recognize that Trump was unfairly labeled a jerk simply because he was a threat to institutional power rather than anything he said or did.