Trying to post this again since Locals doesn't seem to like me:

Good morning Joe and Diggers. I am a long-time morning listener, but the story last night about the Youtuber who aborted his child because of Downs Syndrome hit a particular nerve for me and I wanted to share my story and why that is uniquely horrifying for me.

In 2022, my wife and I decided we wanted to have our first child, we tried and tried but were unsuccessful. We went to fertility doctors and they had us take some supplements, do some tests, and come back if we were still unsuccessful. A couple months passed and we were back discussing IVF/IUS and what the correct course of action would be: IVF.

Months of cycle tracking, expensive injections for my wife, and fighting with insurance, pharmacies, and the doctors later, the day for extraction came. It was a minor operation if a doctor’s office on the other side of DC from us. We got breakfast afterwards and walked around the local mall. It was pleasant until the email from the doctors came: 20 eggs extracted, 17 embryos created, 14 viable, 8 kept. I wanted to puke.

A few days later, we did the implantation procedure, had a similar breakfast and had another horrifying email: Insurance would only pay to keep 3 for a year, so they got rid of the 4 least viable.

I tried to keep my spirits up and we were happy, we were expecting a baby! I would talk to her belly and we made jokes about what it looked like on the ultrasounds. After a few months we went to have the anatomy scan and were going to know the gender. Scan started in a cramped room where I was more at her feet with a monitor behind me, so I watched with little interaction with her. I didn’t care. The scan started and he was mooning us. Waiving his penis at us as if to say “Look mom and dad: I’m a BOY!” There was no doubt. I wanted to jump and scream and was so excited I didn’t even notice as the tech stepped out.

The tech brought the doctor in. “We’ve noticed some anomalies. There are some odd pooling of fluid and your amniotic fluid level is very high. Your baby has a condition known as ‘Hydrops’. We would like to do some testing to determine why.” My joy turned to ash.

The amniocentesis was negative for the big 4 genetic mutations of which Downs is one. We had to go to Johns Hopkins for a second opinion and access to a study on the causes of Hydrops. Hydrops was confirmed and we went through more testing: Carrier screenings on us, amniotic fluid testing, ultrasounds. We waited.

The hydrops study results returned while my wife was taking a bath and I was trying to finish some work. Source of hydrops known: BRAF mutation. I held my wet, naked, pregnant wife as she sobbed.

We went to the follow up appointment with the genetic counselor. She explained what she could and gave us resources on CFC syndrome which BRAF mutation is a cause of. She also explained that in Maryland, we could have this taken care of. She meant well, the temptation was high, I was already mourning the life I had imagined with my son. Then as if touched by something beyond myself: I remembered the excitement from months earlier, the singing to her belly, the jokes about him looking like a hamster. I couldn’t do it and not just because I am “Prolife” but because he was already in my life.

I looked at my wife and all the emotional turmoil I was feeling, she had none. She gave a small shake of her head and I knew she would agree. I told the councilor we couldn’t do it. He was already here to us and we could not abandon him.

We lived with the consequences of that decision: amnioreductions every week, scrambles into Baltimore because our local hospital wanted nothing to do with us, 6 months in the JHH NICU, Oxygen support, off label use of chemo meds, feeding difficulties, low muscle tone, potential seizures, scheduling a heart surgery that was determined to be unnecessary the day of.

It is hard, I will admit that, but his life is not my property. I am his guardian and I will protect, teach, and raise him to the best of my ability. I hope you see why this story is such a horror to me.